Concerning Southwark

Janessa C. Southwark is a single mother of 10. This sentence may have surprised you somewhat. Allow me to expound a bit: Janessa is not literally anyone’s mother at all (as far as we are aware), but she is practically a mother to each and every one of the Hrothgarians. She lays down rules when it comes to running off on deadly missions, and she always makes sure the most irresponsible ones (Tobias and Acacia) behave. She gave up on this job two weeks later after seventeen cuts, four bullet wounds, Nine broken bones, and twenty-three explosions. Being a mother to a gang of outlaws, geniuses, and all-around nutcases is not an easy job.

Of course, Janessa hasn’t always lorded over her inferiors. She was once not born. However, when she was born it was completely against her will. She came into this dark, crime-filled world sometime between the years 1990 and 2000 (That’s AD, not BC). Seeing as she was born deep in the heart of the Virginia plantation country, you would not have expected her to make it all the way to where she is today, but that’s just the way things turned out. She never knew her parents because they disappeared mysteriously while she was still a baby. As a result Janessa grew up with her rich, plantation-owning uncle. After this, things really began to get weird.

Ms. Southwark lived with her uncle until she was about seventeen years old, when her uncle died a most unexpected and unusual death. She ran off to Great Britain for unknown reasons and eventually began a detective career working for Scotland Yard. Now, Janessa was not the most morally upstanding detective. Whenever a criminal would offer a greater price than Scotland Yard would give, she would change the facts. By this manner, Janessa acquired quite a number of “friends”.

Eventually, while in Brazil for some reason, she ran across a certain stray Hrothgar in a cave. Ever since then Janessa has been an excellent mother and a convenient friend to Hrothgar and all his Associates. You can read the whole story about how Janessa and Tobias met by clicking on this link.

Now that I’ve told you her history, why don’t I tell you about of few more characteristics: Southwark wears a trench-coat and fedora (plagiarism), and sometimes a cloak. Her black (or maybe it was brown?) hair is always back in a fish-tail braid, and her eyes seem unable to decide whether they are grey or blue. She has an interesting set of skills and attributes including fighting with daggers, an immensely powerful knack at observation, and an exceptional nose (As far as I can tell, the best career for her right now would be a cult of elite bakers).

Where is Janessa now? I can’t say. Quite possibly watching Tobias from a distance, making sure he doesn’t get to “dead” stage of “in grave danger”. He probably would’ve reached there already without her eliminating the threats behind his back (she is incredibly violent in nature so I wouldn’t be surprised).

Please subscribe to this website so that I can catch up with Karl Bickerstaff. I intend to fulfill his challenge against Elisha before Karl himself has the chance (the challenge being to catch up with Elisha in subscribers within the next five years). Besides, the support would be nice. Hopefully, sometime soon I will announce the coming of Janessa Southwark’s biography (so far she has given no indication that she intends on writing one). Until then, don’t die.

Ever onward,

Jacob Unger.


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