Refuge Attained

Things are difficult all the time. Just read the news. There are robberies, murders, car accidents, sock related fatalities, and countless other hardships every day. Fortunately, these times of difficulty aren’t permanent, and people can live peacefully and happily. You may be surprised to hear it, but this is the case for even Tobias Hrothgar. I haven’t been updating you on his whereabouts and well-being of late, but now I have some quite significant news to inform you of: Tobias has successfully escaped to America.

On the night of April 7, at 1:34 AM I received an urgent and cryptic message from an unknown location: “The door is open. I’m falling, and may not see shore again.” I had no clue what this was supposed to mean at the time, but I managed to alert the Hrothgarians–who were much disgruntled at being awoken at such a time–and consult them on the matter. Their theories mostly seemed preposterous and altogether impossible, but then again they were the Hrothgarians. And it was 2:16 AM. I guess I have time so I’ll share with you what I can remember of the conversation:


Torfis: Okay, it makes sense. Somebody left the door open in his living room and went skydiving. He must have realized that he left it open so he was trying to text his wife while he fell. I guess he made the mistake of skydiving above the ocean, so he’s too tired to swim back to shore.

Jacob: That doesn’t sound quite–

Karl: Or some poor person fell through an intergalactic wormhole and is spiraling towards a leak into the Between, thus not making it to the “shore” which is the other side of the tunnel.

Ronin: It could just be that you’re overthinking things far too much.

Karl: Could be. Or maybe this man merely thinks that he’s falling through an intergalactic wormhole when he’s actually being washed away and battered by the hurricane of dilusion.

Acacia: You’re delusional.

Karl: I will neither accept nor deny this statement.

Jacob: Uh–

Janessa (shaking her head): You people are completely unbelievable.


I think you get the idea. Thus the conversation went on through the night without anyone coming to a logical conclusion. Of course, all conversation stopped when Tobias began snoring. Everyone stopped and stared at the sofa. Apparently, in the midst of out arguing, Tobias had slipped into the room and passed out from exhaustion. After approximately 146.57 seconds of staring in silence everyone else decided that they should get some rest as well. Everyone took their places on various tables and counters, and inside the dishwasher and cabinets and so forth. There everyone slept soundly until a quarter past 3 in the afternoon.

After everyone was up, Tobias announced that he had been the one to send the message. He then told us his whole story from beginning to end. It was quite a fascinating tale. However, you’ll have to wait until next week to hear it.

Thank you for your patience in the reading of this article (unless you didn’t bother reading the whole thing, then shame on you). Subscribe for further stories.

Ever onward,

Jacob Unger.


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